Mistakes
by LivEl.lover
Summary: A race against time to catch a perp strains the relationship of Elliot and olivia, EO later along with short EK sorry not very good with summaries...or spelling. Hope you like it
1. Chapter 1

Letting out a frustrated sigh I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees. The empty locker room echoed my every move. My body seemed to ache as I sat on the bench facing my old and scratched locker with Benson labeled on it. Elliot's voice cut through my thoughts 'why do I always have to baby-sit you'. After being jumped by the perp we were chasing and letting him get away, Elliot was furious. This guy was horrible and I screwed up and now he is in the dust. Feeling the guilt and shame over take me when Elliot and the others realized that I had let my guard down and resulted in the perp getting away.

The attack still fresh in my mind replays over and over again. I didn't hear him as he approached me from behind, hitting me with a wooden plank….I subconsciously bring my hand to my bruised and sore side. The worst of it was when I came to a minute later and he was on top of me. His noise buried in my hair with his hands roughly squeezing at my breast. It made me gag, I'm just glad that he heard the others coming to help. I never remember screaming until the perp punched me in the face and hurried away around the corner…thank god the others didn't see how helpless I had been. Elliot's reaction to me letting him get away was worse enough I didn't need him ragging on me about how I need to be more careful and aware.

Looking at my lace covered breasts I see the bruises in the shapes of hand prints forming around my sensitive skin. Letting out a sigh and getting up off the bench I grabbed for the hoodie that was to replace my dirty and ratted shirt. Immediately after I threw it over my head his sent attacked at my senses making me go weak at the knees. Realizing that it was Elliot's sweater that I had borrowed weeks ago, I quickly tugged it off cursing at how much his sent affected me. Biting my lip I decided to actually look at the damage on my side, the movements of the slightest made it burn and sting. Throwing the sweater to the bottom of my locker I let my eyes travel to my right side… the sight made it seem to hurt more.

The skin was red around a forming black and purple color that reached from under my armpit to my hip. It was swollen and stung to touch, 'damn, I need ice....' thinking of slipping away for a few minutes entered my brain, but then I thought better of it. I can't let up; I promised the victims families that I wouldn't stop until he was found. Letting out a long sigh I grabbed an old NYPD t-shirt that could fit two of me in it on. I hear the noises of the busy squad room and head toward my tired colleges to help with the mess I created.


	2. Chapter 2

The concerned expressions that Fin and Munch sent my way when I walked slowly into the busy squad room made my stomach churn, but it was Elliot's glare made me feel like I was being stabbed in the gut. Swerving my way around the other officers that were consuming the space around our desks I felt the sting reach up my side as I tried to avoid them. The room was in an uproar. The perp, Jerald Malone, has been the worse criminal that this unit has encountered. He has kidnapped and killed 39 people, mainly women and young teenage girls but also young boys at the age of 5 to 6…I felt a shudder run through my body. We got a whiff of him was from one of the girls that had escaped and had fled to central park. There she was found cowering under the jungle gym in her underwear and a tank top. Only after talking to her and having her warm up to me did we find out about the others… and that she could lead us to them.

I'll never forget the texture of the decaying wallpaper as I had leaned against it for support or the images of the rusted and rot covered walls. The atmosphere that was filled with so much blood had me taking ten showers to feel clean that night. When we got to the warehouse we were hit hard. He had killed everyone, probably realizing that Carla got away and he didn't have time to go after her.

But that wasn't the worse of it. He didn't just kill them, he apparently had them all tied up and forced them to watch as he tortured and slowly disremembered them one by one. The sick bastard video taped it and had it playing as we came into the room, the body parts of all his victims all over the floor. Their blood had clung to my shoes. In the middle of the room was a table with his tools on it that were soaked in blood and a small DVD player. The screams echoed off the walls forever being imprinted in my mind.

Slowly getting to my desk I sat down gently and reached for the folder that contained the photos of the crime scene. My hands slightly shook as I opened it and started to look through them for something we had missed before. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Elliot at the screens behind me looking over the evidence for any hints. I remember how hard this case has gotten to him when we found a dead body of a girl about Lizzy's age. The photos in my hands made my skin crawl; I didn't even want to touch them. Blood and cut off limbs and tissue on the floor was what was in most of them but what got to me most were the photos of the table he cut them up on. It forever stained with blood, remembering how cold it was to the touch sent a shiver through my body making me close my eyes and breathe in deeply.

The movement made me curse as I felt my skin and muscles flare up making my body tense. Anger laced my mind, 'weak, pitiful, worthless' my mothers voice came from the back of my mind. It made me boil with anger that she may have been right. Scolding myself for getting off track I quickly went back to staring at every detail in the photos.

******************************************

"Please, please don't hurt me" her voice was sweet music to my ears. I licked my lips as they formed a smile.

"…I wish that it didn't have to be this way." I lie. I always loved playing with my food as a child. Feeling satisfaction as hope crosses her face slowly move my hand to her neck I saw it fade as soon as it came at the site of my knife quickly coming to her chest. I cut away her pretty blue blouse. My arousal growing as her petite figure wiggled and struggled under my hold. It had been weeks since I ate, that dumb cop. The memory of her scent and scared face flashed though my mind making me groan and grind into the girls hips. She started to struggle as I yanked her legs open…

"Good girl…"


	3. Chapter 3

The grinding of my teeth and the clenching of my jaw kept me from going crazy. My muscles tensed underneath my ruffled dress shirt, images and thoughts of different ways to kill Malone ran through my brain. The image of him on top Olivia jumped back into my brain. Guilt and worry fell onto my shoulders like a ton of bricks. I knew that my harsh words had hurt her, but that was all I could show of my worry. Kathy's voice forever ringing in my ears 'either us or her'…her bags were packed and she was ready to head out the door with our children. I can't remember what I said to her but she had stayed that night, that was two days ago…I haven't been home since. I catch a quick glance at my partner as she stiffened behind me in her chair.

The dreams just wouldn't go away. That was what Kathy was probably set off about, me calling her name out in my sleep. My dreams always contained her these days, she was either in pain and calling out for me to help her…or she was on top of me in my bed with me inside of her. The image made me quickly stop and had my body clenching. 'Stop it, not here' I willed the image of her riding me to go out of my mind and concentrate on the problem at hand. Cursing her and her effect on me under my breath I headed back to sit across from her. Her beautiful eyes caught mine for a moment and then quickly went back to the photos in her hand. I could see the hurt in her eyes and it made my heart squeeze.

Worry once again went to across my mind, none of us really know what happened when she was attacked. Her screams replayed in my brain. The image of him hitting her, touching her as we rounded the corner flashed before my eyes. 'She needs to be more careful' shaking my head and letting the anger flow through my veins I quickly got up and left the squad to the roof. I heard her look up and shift in her chair, but her voice never yelled for me.

**********************************************************

My empty apartment seemed to engulf me as I closed the door behind me and locked it. Dropping my keys on the kitchen counter I made my way towards the fridge. Light showered my dark apartment making the images of blood and faces fade. Seeing that there was only some old leftover Chinese and sour milk I closed the door letting the darkness engulf me again.

My eyes caught the shimmer of the street lights on the glass of a half empty bottle of vodka. After staring at it for a few minutes I quickly grabbed for it and yanked off the lid. Taking a big gulp I held my hand to my mouth letting the liquid burn and sting at my throat. Sobs started to take over my body. Sliding to the floor I let the bottle roll away from me spilling its substance on the tiles under me.

My hand went o my holster and unclipped it and brought the gun under my chin, my hands were shaking the gun seemed heavier then usual... 'I just want to forget. Who would care anyways?' thought after thought ran through my head.

Finally I let my head go limp and I let it roll forward as I brought my knees to my chest. Bringing my hands to my head I cried into them feeling the cold of the unforgiving gun on my cheek…


	4. Chapter 4

The cold winter nipped at my nose as my finger held in the buzzer for Liv's apartment. Her mood all day had been a little off and I just wanted to check in on her, since her good for nothing partner was to busy with his perfect life to notice hers falling apart at the seems. After a few times I felt worry start to well inside me 'maybe shes just in the shower' I tried reasoning to myself why she wasn't answering. I'm sure she said she was going home. Moving onto the side walk I looked up and saw that none of her lights were on. Just then an old man came from inside the building and was wrestling to get the door open. Running over and helping him get the door open letting myself into the lobby.

'I'll just go and check' I said to myself as I walked into the apartment lobby after saying good day to the man.

**********************************************************************************************************

The sound of my buzzer going off startled me, the gun falling out of my hand and tumbling onto the tiled floor. Looking over to the divice that was making the noise i let out a sigh. Ignoring it seemed like a good idea but after a few minutes the noise started to bring on a headache I decided to get up. Right when I got up and got over to it the rude noise stopped, hoping that they just had the wrong apartment I made my way back to the kitchen. The spilt vodka soaked my feet as I walked to the gun and picked it up off the floor. Someone knocking on my door made me jump and slip on the vodka covered floor.

Fin's voice yelling at me to open the door was the next thing I remember as I look up at my kitchen ceiling. The cold vodka stinging the wound on my back and side. Letting out a curse, I brought my hand to my forehead and felt the warm and sticky liquid cover my fingers. Looking up at my counter I saw where I had hit my head on a corner I slowly got up. My side flared up reminding me of my previous injury. Letting out a groan I grabbed one of my kitchen towels and pressed it against my temple.

"Olivia? Are u ok?" I heard him yell as he started jiggling the door handle.

"Ugh, hang on a minute Fin." I yelled at him to stop him before he broke down my door. Making my way to my door i quickly unlocked it and yanked it open to revel a flustered looking Fin. His eyes wided at the sight of me 'must I look that bad?' i asked myself as he looked at my soaked shirt and pants and blood covered towel against my head.

"Spilt something on the floor and i slipped." I say in a joking manner as I opened the door wider for him to come in. I like Fin, he was like the older brother that i never had. Unlike any of the other guys I felt like I could tell him anything. Seeing his eyes wonder to the mess in the kitchen as we headed into the living room made me hope that the gun was somewhere hidden.

"Liv u should get that looked at." I heard Fin say as he walked up behind me as i slowly sat down on my couch. He pulled my hand away and lifted the blood stained towel. I could hear him grimace as looked at my head.

"I'm fine....." i said but the voice didn't seem like mine. A soft and far away sound seemed to come from my lips. Fin must have noticed it too as he looked at me and started saying something. His voice faded as the edges of my vision started to close in. The feeling of Fins arms wrapped around me was the last thing I remember before the darkness over came me.

**********************************************************************************************

Silence was the only thing heard as we ate dinner. I missed this, when i actually saw my family at dinner and got to ask how their days were. But it has never been the same, Kathy refused to look at me across the table as we ate. She was furious and I begged for my phone to go off to pull me away from this torture. The kids could see that we were fighting as they ate silently afraid that any noise would set of a ticking time bomb.

'What happened to us?' my mind asked over and over again as i looked back through our history looking for an answer. Then her face popped into my head. The more i deny my feelings the more they attack my heart. Looking down at my mashed potatoes and meatloaf i felt sick to my stomach. No matter how hard i try my life always seems to be falling apart.

______________________________

I felt numb as i walked into our room and started to get undressed. Seeing Kathy in the bed already, her body curled up with the blankets wrapped around her. I slowly made my way under the covers and pulled her body up against mine. Hearing her sobs come out of her mouth made my heart break.

"What happened to us?" she asked as turned around and put her hand behind my head. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her against me harder. My lips lightly found hers as i looked into her eyes. Whipping away her tears i climbed on top of her and started to kiss down her neck. Hearing her moan egged me on. Breathlessly i kissed my way down her stomach and then back up to her lips. Our mouths molded against each other as my hand made its way to her breasts....then HER face popped in my head...the feeling of her body against mine in the hotel held at gun point....god damn....and i was aroused by it. 'Don't say her name out loud' forcing myself to look at Kathy's face I felt guilt attack my heart. 'Damn you Olivia'.....i felt as i started to make love to my wife, willing myself to not think about Olivia's body instead of Kathy's.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The sound of a beeping monitor annoyed me out of my slumber. My eyelids felt like they were made of cement but upon opening them I was blinded by the harsh and bright lights. Groaning and willing my splitting headache to go away, I brought my hand up to my temple. The feeling of a bandage wrapped around my head brought me to the conclusion that I was not at home. Mentally checking the rest of my body for anymore pains, I remembered the flare of my bruised side. Once again trying to open my eyes I blinked a few times to adjust to the bright lights and walls. Slowly I tried to push my body up to a semi sitting position. My body screamed in agony, the room spinning before me. Trying to take in my surroundings I noticed Fin asleep awkwardly in the uncomfortable hospital chairs next to my bed. 'Just great…' I inwardly groaned in frustration at the current events. A light tug at something on my hand made me look down; an IV drip tapped to my skin greeted me the needle in the protruding vain on my hand. I felt the needle tug again as I shifted. I absolutely hate needles, on that note, I **hate **hospitals. The scratchy material of the sheets met the bare skin of my legs and I decided with a frustrated moan to give up my attempts at comfort and laid back. My hand went to my head willing the dizziness and nausea to stop. Squeezing my eyes to shut out the sharp bright lights the sound of Fin rustling in his chair attacked my senses. Groaning again I rolled over facing away from the intruder.

The sound of him moaning in protest at the crink in his back from falling asleep in the offending chair, 'serves u right' I thought as I pulled the rough blankets tighter around me. I didn't want to deal with his pity and concern; it would be easier to deal with if he didn't care.

Hearing me move must have alerted him of my presence. I could hear him get up then I felt his hand rest on my forearm.

"Olivia? Olivia sweaty how are you feeling?" he was using his victim voice…it annoyed the hell out of me. Feeling anger and frustration well up inside me I turned my head to look at him, my back still to him. Opening my eyes to a squint I tried unsuccessfully to glare at him. He didn't seem to get the message as he assured me that I was safe as he rubbed comforting circles on my back. Hissing in pain as he rubbed the bruised and swollen part of my side, he flinched and quickly pulled his hand away profusely apologizing.

"It's…its ok…" I say in a quiet dry voice. Each word clawing its way up my throat and passed my lips, leaving me with a scratchy and dry throat. I choked and coughed. Fin quickly got the water from beside my bed and brought the straw to my lips. My lips latched onto the end and I greedily sucked the cold soothing water. Moaning in gratitude I grabbed the cup from Fins hands and continued to suck at the straw. Once the sound of the water running out in my cup I let go the end of the straw and tipped the end of the cup to my mouth letting the ice fall into my awaiting mouth. The ice soothed my cracked and dry lips. Sitting up slowly with the help of Fin I sheepishly looked at him and he sweetly smiled at me and took the empty cup from my hands and put it back on the table next to me. He made the bed recline so that I could rest my back on it in a semi sitting position. My eyes finally adjusting to the light I looked around and saw that there was a young girl, about the age of 14, she had her cast covered leg propped up on a pillow and was reading a magazine. Noticing that I was looking at her she gave me a small smile and returned to her readings. I returned the smile and looked back at Fin. He was studying me closely watching my every move.


End file.
